me me me me me

I am a mother, a wife, an emotional orphan

I think way too much, way too deeply & get tired of listening to my own thoughts

I Know that I am scared

I have more than I ever dared wish for but use that against me too, I have so much yet i still struggle.

I wish to feel happier cope more & to reduce the battle in my head

I hate me, and me and me, everything about me

I miss how I used to be, what I thought I could be

I fear most things

I hear things that are not there

I smell me, when i feel bad I think I smell bad

I crave uninterrupted sleep & chocolate

I search in hope

I wonder how I became to be like this

I regret believing my mum so much & for so long

I love my new family, my husband & children & my pet

I ache in a way I feel I am falling apart

I am not very useful

I believe that I am bad, sometimes I believe in hope & change

I dance very rarely!

I sing in my car because I sound quite good when it's hidden by the noise of the engine

I cry when I feel overwhlemed, when I am scared

I fight within my head, the battle of the thoughts

I win comps

I lose comps

I never die? Well I haven't yet

I always think too much

I confuse myself & others

I listen to others like I wish I'd have been listened to

I am scared of seemingly everything

I need reasssurance, love chocolate patience & time (and maybe a miracle)

I am happy about <-- may come back to this

I imagine a lot of things, people watching me, talking about me, I imagine a life where I contribute more & battle less