Can I sell my Mum on ebay?

I was wondering, what with Mother's day approaching, Could I sell her on ebay? I know they don't really allow the sale of humans, but is she human? Proof it! I am also aware I may seem horrifically disrespectful to the person who gave me life & damn nearly took it from me a few times, so how would I sell her on ebay?

A chance to purchase a perfect new addition to your family!

Experienced mother & now Grandmother, aged 60 something, available to offer false promises, destroy any confidence you may have, offer suspicion over absolutely anything, a frequent liar, comes to you directly to your home, also available for pick up to if I find out where she lives, you see she moves now & then, usually without telling me and that was when we were close! You see I'd try & ring her, call round to find she'd gone, she'd go off & hide to cause worry, sometimes she'd tell e before, depends if it was me she wanted to get at. For a while she lived in a caravan in the garden, I was only allowed to visit between specific hours which fell during school time, I could however take her drinks if I left them on the step outside the door, fool that I am, I did, I just wanted that contact. Worry not, you see I had survived living in the garden previously but that was before the caravan, I had a tent, I was happy to live in that tent, she kept telling me to tell people how happy I was, I got good at that, I still do it now, so hard to admit when things are wrong. I have 2 sisters, they sided with her in the end, coming up with their own mean tricks, they'd lock me out, I learnt not to drink so I didn't need the loo, I'd have to knock to get inside you see and wasn't always allowed, it was easier not to ask than risk rejection, still hurts to think back. Ouch!

So yes if you are missing this sort of person, bid now...